Trigger warning – miscarriage

A poem I wrote after our 12 week scan during the heaviest covid restrictions

There’s other women in the waiting room,
Are they here for good news or bad,

It’s hard not to wonder,
I think of the women leaving here alone, empty and sad

A guardian angel in full PPE,
More commonly know as a midwife,

Finally calls me in for the scan
To witness the dream we made, a tiny life

I’m not nervous yet, just excited
Should I be concerned, maybe

The scan isn’t perfect, the angel explains
There might be something wrong with the baby

But I can see you moving around
Even though I can’t feel you, it’s truly bizarre

The nerves creep in, I’m by myself
My mind is on Ross waiting in the car,

She explains all the possibilities
And refers me for further tests,

I try to absorb all of the information,
In the safety of the angel’s nest

I feel the warmth of her concern,
Ross can’t be here, but I’m not alone

Bad thoughts appear but are fleeting,
What if in the end we can’t bring you home

I’ve just witnessed a miracle on a black and grey screen,
I’ve also just learned that our baby might not survive

The angel wishes me the best and I’m back in the car,
Explaining everything to Ross, my brain goes into overdrive

The easiest thing we decide is to embrace any outcome,
We still made a tiny human, a blessing

Surrounded by support and love,
We approach this head on, however distressing

This baby will always be our greatest achievement,
We will take any outcome as what is meant to be

Baby, if you come into this world early or late,
We will make sure you will always be wild and free 🧡

Brana

I'm Brana, mum to Evie Ren (Little Bird). I'm a stay at home mum, Ross is also a stay at home dad - he just happens to have a full time office job too! I used to work as a nurse until I fell pregnant with Evie, and to be honest I don't miss it. I couldn't think of a job I'd rather do than to take care of our magic little bird.

I used to enjoy running, yoga, swimming and surfing but all of those activities have taken a back seat this past year. I'm still rediscovering my new self since growing a human and being full time carer for Evie with her extra medical needs. As Evie grows and hopefully gets stronger, travel might be back on the cards for us as it was a big part of both of our lives and we would love to show Evie more of the world 🌎