Trigger warning – miscarriage
A poem I wrote after our 12 week scan during the heaviest covid restrictions
There’s other women in the waiting room,
Are they here for good news or bad,
It’s hard not to wonder,
I think of the women leaving here alone, empty and sad
A guardian angel in full PPE,
More commonly know as a midwife,
Finally calls me in for the scan
To witness the dream we made, a tiny life
I’m not nervous yet, just excited
Should I be concerned, maybe
The scan isn’t perfect, the angel explains
There might be something wrong with the baby
But I can see you moving around
Even though I can’t feel you, it’s truly bizarre
The nerves creep in, I’m by myself
My mind is on Ross waiting in the car,
She explains all the possibilities
And refers me for further tests,
I try to absorb all of the information,
In the safety of the angel’s nest
I feel the warmth of her concern,
Ross can’t be here, but I’m not alone
Bad thoughts appear but are fleeting,
What if in the end we can’t bring you home
I’ve just witnessed a miracle on a black and grey screen,
I’ve also just learned that our baby might not survive
The angel wishes me the best and I’m back in the car,
Explaining everything to Ross, my brain goes into overdrive
The easiest thing we decide is to embrace any outcome,
We still made a tiny human, a blessing
Surrounded by support and love,
We approach this head on, however distressing
This baby will always be our greatest achievement,
We will take any outcome as what is meant to be
Baby, if you come into this world early or late,
We will make sure you will always be wild and free 🧡
